talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
