dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize