I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
