so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
