im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
