here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We talked him into tasing himself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
