my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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