I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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