even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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