There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
