just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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