Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
