I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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