Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My hand turned me down
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
