I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
