If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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