I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize