You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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