i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
