Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
