final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize