Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
