Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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