I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
