i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
