youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
