The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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