so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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