suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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