Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
