Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
