A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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