I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
