Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
