That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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