I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
