Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
