I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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