Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize