i already hear my dad disowning me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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