When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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