the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
