Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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