well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
