trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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