i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
