He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
