Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
