Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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