I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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