My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
