Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
