Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize