remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
