im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
