It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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