The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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