We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
