Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
