I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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