It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
