I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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