dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
