Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like eating out sand paper
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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