Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
