So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
