i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
