Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
