I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
