I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
