It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
