I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
