I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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