Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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