Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
