Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
